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July 13, 2009
The Glamourous New York City Gals' DO's and DONT'S for Not Getting Away this Summer.
Staycation. (Stay - ka'- shun) generally means a vacation spent close to home. It doesn't mean you stay right in your home, but it means you stay close to home. (in fact, pretty darn close to home).
As my dear friend Donald Trump used to say repeatedly, even running a full-page ad in the New York Times one year in the late 80's stating, "New York City is for the people who pay to live here. So, if you can't afford to live here.. LEAVE." So, with The Don's kind and cherished words still ringing in my ears, I have been "Staycationing" a bit in the city, realizing that this is just not the summer to dash off to St. Bart... or even dreary ol' Montauk, for that matter. Do note, however, that staycationing can be done with class and joie de vivre. So don't despair. Recession be damned!
Here are some useful DO's and DONT'S for successfully Staycationing in style in The Big Apple this month:
1. Do wear a light sweater on the C train on your way to the JFK Airtran stop, because they do make you wait while the train empties out and gets back into the scheduled queue before it returns you to the city. It gets chilly.
2. Do bring a trusty portable umbrella and flip-flops to the carwash at the Grand Concourse in the Bronx when trying to cool off, as the attendant may force you to ride the bumper of a car service limo, as they don't always permit unaccompanied walk-ins.
3. Don't forget to dab on a bit of sunscreen before venturing into the ESPN Zone in Times Square for a glass of water as the glare from the 8 foot HDTV can give you a sunburn.
4. Don't forget to smile, say thank you and be generally appreciative when a local six year-old gives you some space in the neighborhood hydrant to cool off. Your ass is a lot bigger than it looks in your bathroom mirror.
5. Do be mindful of the 6 o'clock crush of after work shoppers at your local supermarket, as people do actually have to buy meat and other produce for dinner. So try to fold up up your lounge chair and alternate between the frozen food aisle and the dairy shelves.
6. Do wear a proper shoe when riding the escalator up and down at Penn Station. While it's not The Batman ride at Six Flags, you always want to protect your toes and fingers, keeping them inside the car at all times. One can never be too careful.
7. Do dump the crabs back into the aquarium at Petland Discounters when the sales person announces that the store is closing for the evening. Remember to take your plastic bucket and net with you to use for lobster night at the local sushi bar.
8. Do give the tourists a chance to finish their taco salad at Benny's Burrito before leaping across their table to scoop up any stray chips or salsa they may have left in the basket.
9. Don't push and shove and jostle for position at the gate of the neighborhood dog park. Be mindful that it is, in fact, a dog park and our four-legged friends should get first dibs at the water bowl.
10. Do be discreet when getting in line for the ribs and potato salad at a barbeque in your neighborhood park. Remember, the host usually counts how many ribs went on the grill and you will be nabbed if you are: a) recognized as a cookout interloper; and/ or b). over zealously licking your fingers and hogging the napkins.
Happy Summer in the City!
