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Thinking Out of the Box
October 31, 2008
Alright, I am tired of Elizabeth Hasselbeck from The View. I am quite ready for her to go the way of Star Jones and Rosie O'Donnell. She has sufficiently worn out her welcome, sung her swan song, danced her last dance and coughed in the pudding (I made that one up), but you get the picture....
As a remnant of some reality show I am certain I never saw, Elizabeth Hasselbeck is plain and simply, unsavory. Always has been. But, in the beginning, The View's producers probably thought she added a kind of pathetic balance to the show, possibly as a thin, blonde foil to the formerly beefy, astonishingly aggressive and always mouthy, Star Jones. But, that was so so very long ago.
Hasselbeck has remained on The View beyond Star's much needed stomach stapling and Rosie's newly issued prescription of Shuthehellup (an anti-depressant given recent FDA approval and becoming quite popular when taken with Talksoutofherass, a new anti-inflammatory drug being prescribed to a number of celebrities lately).
Still, here comes Elizabeth, she takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin'. She won't stop.
... "Country First" she says, spunkily campaigning for the McCain Palin ticket. She's Pro-Life, Pro-Guns and in favor of the Iraq War. Unfortunately, Elizabeth ceases to be able to express even a mildly intelligent opinion without weeping or becoming creepily passive aggressive. So, while somewhat cute and the only true size 2 in the bunch, the show's executives should give her three weeks notice and help her to find something a bit more appropriate. Not sure what that is, however.
Then, they should replace Elizabeth Hasselbeck... with a man. It would straighten Joy Behar out and kind of give the show a much needed, well ... man....
I have taken it upon myself to prepare a list of the men who the show's producers should consider:
Bob
Schaeffer: The 6 time Emmy winner and 40-year news anchor for
CBS's Face the Nation would give The View a much needed
dose of clarity and direction. The View's producers should just
sit Bob in one of those swivel chairs behind that group desk and not
even tell him where he is. That would be a riot. He would figure
it out eventually, I suppose.
Donny
Deutsch: Chairman of Deutsch Inc., the advertising giant and
the host of The Big Idea, I think that he could successfully
merge his show with The View. So, now when Donny has on Pam
Anderson for the billionth time, the gals from The View can all yell at
her about continually marrying Kid Rock.
Richard
Simmons: While not officially a "man," Richard has always been
sweet, but firm. I think he would bond nicely with Whoopi and help
Barbara Walters with her posture.
Who else would you suggest? and why?
